Raindrops in the Eye

Chronologically enabled,
Technically challenged.
Vision mired in the past,
Path clouded by the future.
Blackle, Bing, Twitter, iPod,
Google and God.
The struggle and the dream,
The odd couple; strange bedfellows.
A substanceless high.


I was born in 1974 in the lap of luxury. We had a ubiquitous black telephone. Its number 2454568.

Dadu liked to acquire the latest wonders of technology. We had a radiogram, a Weston TV with shutters, a curd maker, and even a 'hifi' Konica camera.

Most would look at these and at other such technological wonders with awe. Interestingly, the same Dadu, never had a LIC policy or believed in the banking system.

Slowly, by the late seventies and early eighties, Dadu's affordability started dwindling. Left Front kept moving from the strength to strength and started empowering the poor. In West Bengal, poverty suddenly got fashionable and economic well being started to be looked down upon. If you could afford some luxuries, you better carry some guilt.

So as 'Jalsaghar' was being enacted in the reality of my house (and other Bengali houses as well), we had to let go most of our technological wonders. Some were sold of, some died its own death due to misuse or no use.

In 1986, Haley's comet came and took my grandfather along with it. Seventy six years ago, it had come and dropped him on earth.

In 1989 when I returned from my summer vacation, our last vestige of luxury, the blue Ambassador, was not to be found. We were just like any other commoner. Left Front's social program was having the desired success of achieving social equity.

There were still stray pieces of gadgets here and there. The picnic box, the huge white ice box, the Konica camera and my favorite air gun.

By the time I was in college, when we painted our house, the last memories of my past life faded behind the acrylic emulsion. Outside and inside the house, cable TV was making its inroad and the average man started believing in the stock market. VCR still remained in fashion.

In 1997, Shamik (Mitra) got a campus placement in Infosys. He still works there I believe. Y2K and other tech companies' name started ringing a bell.

All this while, Baba continued to remain faithful to his second wife - the much colored and much tampered 'Jawa'. For many years, it continued to provide blurred visions of the glorious days. With each of those visions, it brought thoughts of what could have been. Finally I let Baba down and he had to give away the Jawa a couple of years back.

In the interim, his huge aquarium (of 30 years) shrunk with the weight of time.

In 1999 June, Opu helped me open my first email account - kausik99@hotmail.com. Two months later came my first bank account, along with my first job and with that I got armed with my first ATM card. Till then I had a common account with Maa in the post office.

In Sep 1999, I actually flew for the first time.

It was an empty airbus 747 which Moon Moon Sen was trying to fill up. A month later, when I was flying back to Calcutta with Mamata Banerjee, I was marvelled at the sight of Calcutta from the top, bedecked in Durga Puja lights on a happy Soshti night. I believed that to be my last flight ever, and thus made sure I enjoyed it thoroughly.

After 25 similar flights and 12 months, my mother-in-law and everybody around me was convinced that I was ready for marriage. It was a different story, that no one knew I did not get my salary for three months leading to my marriage. Mun knew but she never bothered much about salary anyways. Along with my bride, in walked my own two wheeler as well.

In 2003 November, out of sheer boredom at work, I started blogging. I have tried to remain faithful to it and as a dear friend it has provided me the necessary release. Around the same time, our Jawa had the company of a pre-used Zen. I learnt driving soon and acquired my licence in 2004.

A year later in Pune, I used a cell phone for the first time. Needless to say, it was Opu's handset and his previous Pune number. 9880341085 was my first own mobile number which I got in Bangalore while working with ITC. In 2005, I finally bought my first handset.

In a lazy December morning of the same year, while sitting on the pot, I got tempted by a newspaper ad. By evening we had paid the booking amount for our car.

Nine months later, I realized my dream of setting foot on 'foreign' soil.

Three years have past since then. I even have a laptop, a 'wifi' broadband connection at home, 50 Euros and 116 Dollars in my wallet. In the interim, I have also acquired a digital camera and have experienced pay-per-view. I buy my tickets on the internet and recently flew to a holiday in a 5 star resort.

During my recent trip to US, I marvelled at the iPod. It is way beyond a smartphone. I even used a GPS for the first time. Two days back, I came to know about Blackle, and today I found out about Bing. Each day is incomplete without Google and Wiki. I love the concept of Twitter, Facebook and Orkut. But each day I balk at my lack of privacy in this digital neighbourhood.

While the world has changed, and India continues to skew on the developmental path, I continue to struggle to keep pace with things and feel technically challenged. But fortunately, I still continue to live the dream.

The Budding Photographer

One of June's favorite pastime at home is to take my mobile phone and click photos. Some of them are funny to look at. Some of them are pretty interesting. These are three photos that June clicked (completely unaided and undirected) during our trip to Goa. I have not edited them in any form.

Mun often complains that we (mun and me) don't have a good photograph together. I think we finally have a chance to have a few, if these are any proof to go by.

A Short and Sweet Trip

I had to pack my bags and leave within 48 hours. Destination? Boston.

I was excited. Boston was my enunciation to world history. I remember reading about the Boston Tea Party and also remembered that it had nothing to do with a party. But the rest was all hazy.

My first trip outside India in 2006 was full of apprehension. Piling up with 4 other married bachelors, indulging in currency conversion day and night, and being unsure about every step that I took and every word I heard.

However, Scandinavia will be forever etched in my memory as possibly the most refined part of the world. Unfortunately, I misused my 17 country visa and did'nt utilize the opportunity to travel around. As I realize now, there is no second chance.

The second trip in 2007-08 was different again. A luxurious apartment, a sexy project, a gorgeous city and first taste of independant living. However, I was still the rank outsider, the tourist.

I was still trying to get a hang of things, trying to make do with public transport and taking Amtrak to travel around. But I made sure I explored San Francisco inside out and some other parts in California as well.

This trip was a very different one though. I think I got the feel of the real US. It helped that I was paying taxes, and had a social security number. That brought in a diffidence. A diffidence that finally lead me to hire a car and drive around.

I traveled around the road quite a bit. So while I am ready to depart, while I sit at Boston Airport waiting for my flight, I feel good that I came to this part of US.

I walked the Freedom Trail, got splashed by the waters of Niagara, waved at the Statue of Liberty, warmed the red lit stairs of Times Square, kayaked the Charles river and cogged to the top of Mount Washington on the world's oldest cog railway.

I would think I made as much as I could of the short trip both personally and professionally. Life has come a full circle since my last trip outside India. The wheel looks round again. And I intend to circle on.

P.S. - I was sitting at Boston airport with no Internet connectivity. I publish this post four days later while I enjoy one of the perks of my current job.

Michael Jackson Withers Away

This one is a big news.

Every news channel in US had it as their breaking news. I am hearing all the interesting views and counterviews about the man, his legacy, his music and his misdemeanours. I would not go into that.

The only thing I would disagree is with the headlines that read "Michael Jackson Dies". Whenever, I have looked at Michael Jackson's photographs recently and read any news story about him, I always felt he truely crossed over from being a human being.

My fear was, like the fairy tale step mother, he would never die but would just wither away to dust in full public view, when the spell would finally be gone.

Each time I would look at him, I would fear his face would come-off, his hair would fall-off or his fingers would melt away. Like an unwell Mango, I would balk to look at this Man.

So, while the news and counterviews goes on, let's have the headlines changed.

Two Bright Spots

I read the TOI, epaper, today. As much as I deride it, I still cannot live without it. It helps me keep in touch with home but rarely gives me a moment of despair from being away from home.

However, two news stories touched my heart today - Kapil Sibal and Nandan Nilekani.

Kapil Sibal's education reform agenda will finally put education at the center of our national agenda. It will also enable HRD ministry to move away from the being a political tool of social mobilization.

Sibal's proposals are bold. I do not claim to have the expertise to judge them, however, the single school board plan definitely makes a lot of common sense. Having faced the wrong side of the sword, I know how easy my life would have been if this was in place during my schooling.

The second news about Nilekani heading the Unique Identification (UID) project is even more exciting. I recently got exposed to the US Social Security concept. I am also in awe of how the Scandinavian countries walk the talk when they call themselves a welfare state.

I have a hunch (since I do not have much knowledge of the scope of the UID project) that, if implemented successfully, the UID project will go a long way in stabilizing immigration and plug the leak in our social spending.

I need more such news stories to uncover the gloom.

Happy Birthday June!

June turns five today. A milestone, which I will miss. It's a strange feeling to be away from her birthday celebrations. So I take the liberty of getting a bit emotional.

A lot has happened in five years. I have changed three jobs, been away from home three times, seen my income grow threefold and most importantly, my marriage evolving each day and meandering through the challenges of time.

All of these five years, however, I have enjoyed watching June in her moments of growth. Each of those instances have been my moments of truth. I feel a step closer, as I etch those moments in my mind.

From her blank expressions, to her first responses to light and sound. From her motionless throwing of her legs, to her first turns on the bed. From her complete disinterest in walking, to my frantic chase behind her so that I could prevent her from running away in a crowded place.

In the interim she has changed three schools, and we have changed four homes. Her refusal to talk has now given way to non-stop blabber.

I was skimming through all her photographs today. Her first shot, the eyebrows cringed, in the hospital. I compared it with the most recent photograph, where she is looking into the camera, with an expression of naughtiness, almost talking to the camera.

Each day I look at her, I thank Mun, for forcing me into parenthood. It has been five memorable years right from the first moment when I was unable to figure out if the baby in the nurse's arms was a he or a she.

At that moment, when I held her in my arms, I was filled up with a sense of ownership. A connection which is not umbilical but deep and without description.

I hope life continues as it has and we as a family can stay rooted, to each other and to reality. Happy birthday June! You remind me of the need to have faith in life.

June's first photograph

One of our weekend activities.

Paying for Father's Sin

Today I was late by about 30 seconds for a training session in office. The intructor did not allow me to get in. I was embarrassed. While I was thinking about the episode my mind was forced back to the day when June was punished for arriving late for school. What happened with me today was very similar. I was held as an example so that the trend could be bucked.

In July 08, June, along with others, was made to catch her ears and sit up ten times in full view of the public. The sad part was that June was late because of me. I stood there watching my daughter getting punished for my sin (sloth in this case).

This load was pretty heavy to carry. It was the first time ever that June got punished in school.
Interestingly, the episode kept working on my mind throughout the day. I was wondering how would June take it? Would she feel insulted? Would she avoid going to school? Would she make sense of it? It would be difficult if I was her.

It is always illogical to be paying for others' sins. I called Mun in the evening to find out what did June had to say when she came back from school. June was fine. She did'nt even remember that she was punished. Infact, when spoke to her about it I had a hard time explaining

• What is punishment?
• Who gets punished?
• Who gives the punishment?
• How is someone punished?

I didnt have a clear answers to any of these larger questions.